Friday, January 27, 2006

Houdini Baby

Last night I discovered what I had already suspected...

We have a very smart baby.

Now, I kind of figured John Victor was intelligent. All his siblings exhibit a high level of intelligence, and on both sides of his family there is a tendency towards a high IQ.

Having said that, we found out something else about John last night. He may have a future carreer as a magician.

Here's the story...

Last night, my wife was out running errands and I was watching the kids. I was on the computer, while my kids were in the living room having a snack and watching tv. John Victor, who just a few days ago turned 10 months, was walking around in the kitchen near the computer. Then he walked into the living room with the kids.

When I finished up what I was doing I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. That's when it happened...

I noticed something odd. John was sitting on the floor playing with a diaper.

I thought to myself,

"Rats John somehow got a diaper out of the trash can. I wonder who left the door open to the changing room?"

So, I got up from the couch and went over to take the diaper away. To my surprise the diaper had poo poo in it. I thought to myself,

"Rats, I have to clean the carpet."

I called my oldest son (Matthew) over to pick up John so I could clean up the mess. As Matthew was picking up John I noticed something and I thought to myself,

"It looks like... no that can't be. But it does look like..."

So I say,

"Matthew, let me see something."

I look under John's clothes and sure enough he had no diaper on!

Then I noticed there was poo poo on his leg, on the back of his outfit, etc. So now a lot of thoughts are running through my head, but the first one that runs through my head is,

"How in the world did he get his diaper off!"

I mean REALLY, how in the world did he get that diaper off? He had his clothes on! How did he manage to take off his diaper and then get it out of his outfit? He must be some kind of Houdini.

John Victor found this whole event to be SOOOO funny. He kept laughing and laughing! He laughed while I was changing his clothes. He laughed while I was bathing him. He laughed after bathing him. He laughed when Jill came home and asked why his hair was wet and he wasn't wearing his clothes.

I think he knows way more than he lets on knowing. It's as if he was saying, "You think that was amazing, wait until next week Daddy..."

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Vaccines Don't Work

My wife's friend Laura just posted this interesting newspaper report regarding a chicken pox outbreak in Wisconsin. As she points out, the odd thing is that all but two of the children were previously given the chicken pox vaccine.

If I were President I would not let the drug companies determine how medicine is practiced.

I mentioned in a previous post how medical statistics come from flawed math. Well, let's take a look at this case in Wisconsin.

Health experts (those pre-k math experts I mentioned here), rate the vaccine from 85 to 97 percent effective. So at most 15% of the kids should have contracted chickenpox.

In the case of the Wisconsin kindergarteners 36 percent contracted chickenpox.

Ok, so where exactly does that 15% come from? A better question would be, "Which drug company paid for the study that came up with that statistic?"

At the end of the article the newspaper says that 9 out of 10 children who take the chickenpox vaccine are completely protected from chicken pox.

10% = 36%

Uggh. Apparently, the people at the newspaper can't do math either...

Monday, January 23, 2006

New Perspective for US Supreme Court?

I have always had questions about the way eminent domain laws work. Finally, the people are fighting back! Read this article to see what I mean:

If I were President, I would make a lot changes. I would certainly look into the alleged misuse of eminent domain. I think that using eminent domain laws to annex the Judge's house is perfectly appropriate.

What's that old saying...

If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander.

I for one wasn't happy with that ruling by the US Supreme Court. Going after a US Supreme Court Judge doesn't seem like a great idea to me, but I think if they do annex his house it will send a clear message to the US Supreme Court how the people feel about that decision and it will give Justice Souter a new perspective on the eminent domain laws as well.

I would probably vote in favor of annexing his house, would you?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Global Warming - What's my excuse?

I just finished reading a news story about giant jellyfish in Japan. They said that global warming could be causing the influx of these giant jellyfish to Japan.

I hear the words "global warming" on a daily basis these days. Global warming seems to be the excuse for everything, "cold weather, hot weather, hurricanes, animal extinction, animal population growth, skin cancer, drought, famine, etc."

So, I have decided that in 2006 my excuse for everything is going to be "global warming". Yes, you heard that right. In 2006 I will blame everything on global warming.

For example:
  • Speeding - "Sorry officer, global warming caused my car to break the speed limit."
  • Late to work - "Sorry boss, global warming slowed me down today."
  • Tired - "Global warming is making me so tired."
  • Stub a toe - "Ouch, global warming!"
  • Not listening to spouse - "Sorry honey, I wasn't listening. Global warming you know..."
I think this should work out pretty well for me in 2006.

Now, I know this post wasn't my funniest post ever, but what can I do? Global warming is making me less and less funny by the day.

Wow, it sure is hot in here...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Hamster and Snake best buddies

I thought this was so funny I had to share it with you. Click here to read how a snake and hamster in Tokyo have become best friends. That's just plain crazy...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Not over the hill, just Thirtysomething

My birthday was last weekend and this is the last year I can say I am thirtysomething (39).

When I was younger I thought 39 was really old. I thought that when I became 39 I would feel much older than I do. Then again with a 9 month old baby and 4 other children running around the house, I don't really have time to think about my age.

Another thing that helps me feel younger is having a younger wife. My wife Jill, who also turned thirtysomething this past weekend (34), is five years and a day younger than me.

However, there are things that can make me feel older. Like when my kids say,

"Really, dad you didn't have the Internet when you were growing up?"
"You didn't have a remote control for the TV? How did you change the channels?"

The good news is that I don't remember how life was without the automobile...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Hook 'em Horns

*Being from Texas, I am required by law to say that.

In fact, I have to say it again:

"Hook 'em Horns"

If you aren't aware, the Texas Longhorns won the national championship in college football last night and that's why ** I am required by Texas State law to make this post...

Back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting...

* Note: I am originally from Florida and went to school at FSU, but now that I live in Texas I root for the local sports teams.

** I don't think I am really required by law to make this post, but just to be safe...

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Outsourcing Lobbyist

A few months ago my wife posted over at her blog that we are outsourcing organic produce!

With all the outsourcing of US jobs to other countries, I think it's time for other countries to outsource their work to the US.

If I were President I would get the ball rolling by requiring our lobbyist to go to work in other countries...

I would send our gun control lobbyist to Switzerland. In Switzerland they don't really have gun control laws and have a very low homicide rate. They need our gun control lobbyist to teach them why their system doesn't work.

I would send our law lobbyist to Iraq. With all the violence in Iraq they are going to need plenty of lawyers to file lawsuits.

I would send our drug company lobbyist to Pluto. We don't need them anywhere near Earth.

Lastly, I would send the rest of our lobbyist to various other countries. I would make sure that most of the lobbyist ended up in the countries that are taking the most jobs away from the US. This way more red tape will be created for businesses operating in those countries, which in turn will increase the cost of labor and move jobs back to the US.

John Victor is Walking!

Today, John Victor (9 months) started walking. According to Jill he took 5 steps to her today. When the kids started watching and getting excited he sat down. Woohoo.

Next thing I know he will be driving...

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Problems at the ER

It's been a busy week. I just wanted to tell you that if you live in the Northwest Houston area I don't recommend taking any injured kids to the Methodist Willowbrook Hospital on 249. My wife did not have a pleasant experience there.

The other day our 3 year old (Joseph), fell off the couch while trying to jump from the backrest to the couch cushion and his head landed on the corner of a wooden box shaped toy. He opened up a pretty big gash in his head and we had to take him to the emergency room. Jill took him and the doctor who treated Joseph put him in straight jacket restraint when putting in the stitches. The doctor also took a very LONG time to put the stitches in. Not a pleasant experience.

When Jill took him to a different doctor for the wound check, Jill reassured Joseph that all visits to the doctor won't be so bad. Joseph said that only one part of the visit was bad about the trip to the ER and Jill asked what was the one bad part?

Then Joseph said, "Well, there were two bad things." Jill asked what the two bad things were.

Then Joseph said, "Well, there were three bad things."

Jill asked what the three bad things were and Joseph said, "It was all bad."

Needless to say we will never take any of our kids to the Willowbrook ER again.