Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Ty Pennington to the Rescue

You may ask, what am I doing up at this hour of night?

Well, I just got finished doing some work from home, which has been the norm the past couple of weeks. However, tonight I was planning on taking a break and relaxing.

Unfortunately, the ANTS have been reading my blog. Apparently, they aren't fond of it and decided to protest by invading our pantry. So, I spent part of the day at home fending off ants... Which means, I needed to spend this evening working.

The ants told me they didn't want to particpate in my new plan to get elected in 2008 either. I wonder if a guy who talks to ants can get elected? Hmmmm. Maybe I should keep that to myself.

We do have a new exterminating company coming and they use environmentally safe methods of keeping the ants out of your house. Plus they treat everywhere in your house - walls, attic, etc, unlike our previous company. Hope it works out. Otherwise, I think we are going to have to make a plea to ABC's Extreme MakeOver Home Edition to come demolish our house to get the ants out of the walls. I wonder if they would do that? I can see it now:

Ty Pennington: We are at the home of future President George Manty whose house is infested with ants. We all know how bad that can be...

If I were President I would make sure that Extreme Makover were involved with the Ant Hill Security agency. They would makeover houses that had really bad infestations. That way my campaign strategy would be carried out on television. Having Ty Pennington's crew carry out part of my campaing strategy would probably help get me re-elected in 2012. I wonder how Ty Pennington feels about ants, maybe he could be my running mate...

Saturday, September 18, 2004

New Plan for 2008

I came across this interesting article in the Boston Globe, which inspired me to come up with a new plan for winning the election in 2008. While I should win based on my solid platform, having a winning platform is no longer necessary. In fact, nobody even needs to know I am running. Not only will I beat Mickey Mouse, but I will be President of the United States. If you have not read the article yet then let me explain.

The article discusses how easy it is to register to vote and because of this how many fraudelent votes were cast in the last election. With the new motor voter laws in place, people's pets are registered, illegal aliens, dead people, even two of the terrorist who were involved in 9/11 were registered to vote.

My new plan to become President in 2008 is really simple. What I would do is simply register to vote enough times to win the election with my votes alone. I will register all of my ancestors all the way back to Noah and if need be all of their pets. According to the article I only need to sign their names with an X, so there won't be an issue with fake signatures. My only concern is that it might take a really long time to send in all the votes as absentee. So I have two possible plans to solve this dilemna.

One option is to invent a system to automate this process. My guess is that would be too much work, so I will probably go with option 2.

My second option is to bribe the Mexican government to help me become President. The Mexican government would have their citizens register to vote multiple times and vote for me enough times for me to win. In exchange, I would sign a Presidential mandate to make Mexico the newest state in the United States. I think they would go for that. I would be a hero to the Mexican people, bringing our wealth to them and I would be a hero to the American people, lowering the cost of dealing with immigration. It's a win, win, win situation.

Lastly, I just wanted to say that we had ants in the house again! We are obviously canceling our service contract with our current extirminator and going with a different company. Speaking of ants, maybe a third plan would be for me to train the ants in my yard to vote. Then they could vote for me! There are certainly enough of them in my yard to win me the election. And they probably would vote for me, because even though ridding the United States of ants would be my top priority as President, they know from experience that I wouldn't be able to...

Friday, September 17, 2004

Homebirth in White House

Well it turns out that there has been at least one birth at the WhiteHouse. So if I had been elected our next child would not have been the first baby born in the White House. For those who care, Esther Cleveland Bosanquet was born September 9, 1893 and died June 26, 1980. Esther was actually born in the White House. Her wedding to Captain William Sydney Bence Bosanquet, the son of Sir Albert Bosanquet, was held at Westminster Abbey, and became an important international social event. They bore two children and lived most of their lives in Yorkshire. In her latter years, Esther returned to the United States and lived quietly in New Hampshire until her death.

She is the only one that we could find that lists that she was born in the White House. Although her sister was also born while her father was in office. I don't know where her sister was born.

It still would have been cool to have a homebirth at the White House. It would have been good publicity for my campaign. Oh well. Maybe Jill will be pregnant again four years from now...

Friday, September 10, 2004

Ants, Ants, Ants, Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

So the other day we had ants again. The extirminators came and this time they decided to cover our yard with ant killing powder. Woohoooo, no more ants!

As a result of this I had a great idea. If I were President I would create a government mandate that year round all the ants in the United States would have be to terminated. To do this, I would create a new governmental agency called Ant Hill Security. This new agency would ensure that no home had ants.

The agency would hire people to go spread ant poison on a regular basis in people's yards and would also be on call to deal with any emergency ant issues.

The great thing about this plan is that it would take care of two things that I believe the american people need:

1. get rid of ants.
2. more jobs.

None of theses ant services could be outsourced overseas, so this plan would create new jobs that would stay in the US.

The only campaign promise of mine this does not deal with is my goal to fight terrorism. I wonder how we could fight terrorism with ants... Maybe we could capture all the ants and covertly send them to countries that support terrorism. That would show them not to mess with us. I think I should write my congressman about this idea.

Or maybe we could train the ants to be spies. Ants would make great spies. They can get into almost anything, they are really strong, and they are almost impossible to get rid of. Ant spies, I bet our government is already doing this, it's just too good of an idea.


Thursday, September 02, 2004

Republican Convention

I jut finished watching the Republican Convention and have come away from the convention with great ideas for my campaign in 2008 (should I decide to run).

I absolutely have to find a way to include the phrases "spitballs" and "girly men" into all of my speeches. These terms seem to be crowd favorites.

The next thing I realized is that I have to get a celebrity endorsement. John Kerry has most of Hollywood, George Bush has Arnold, I need a celebrity. There a couple of ways I could go about this. I could become a celebrity. Maybe I could write a book about how to become President. The only problem with this is that it would probably sell better if I wrote it after becoming President...

I need to find a celebrity who wants to rid the world of ants! If I can find a celebrity with a great disdain for ants, he or she will be sure to endorse me. In fact, once I find a celebrity who hates ants, I should get them to be my running mate. Certainly, any celebrity passionate about the ant issue would be proud to be my running mate. Then we might as well skip the formality of voting and just swear me in. There is no way for me to lose with my perfect platform, and a celebrity running mate.

So if I decide to run, the first thing for me to do is find a celebrity who hates ants.

The things I learn from watching television...