Saturday, September 18, 2004

New Plan for 2008

I came across this interesting article in the Boston Globe, which inspired me to come up with a new plan for winning the election in 2008. While I should win based on my solid platform, having a winning platform is no longer necessary. In fact, nobody even needs to know I am running. Not only will I beat Mickey Mouse, but I will be President of the United States. If you have not read the article yet then let me explain.

The article discusses how easy it is to register to vote and because of this how many fraudelent votes were cast in the last election. With the new motor voter laws in place, people's pets are registered, illegal aliens, dead people, even two of the terrorist who were involved in 9/11 were registered to vote.

My new plan to become President in 2008 is really simple. What I would do is simply register to vote enough times to win the election with my votes alone. I will register all of my ancestors all the way back to Noah and if need be all of their pets. According to the article I only need to sign their names with an X, so there won't be an issue with fake signatures. My only concern is that it might take a really long time to send in all the votes as absentee. So I have two possible plans to solve this dilemna.

One option is to invent a system to automate this process. My guess is that would be too much work, so I will probably go with option 2.

My second option is to bribe the Mexican government to help me become President. The Mexican government would have their citizens register to vote multiple times and vote for me enough times for me to win. In exchange, I would sign a Presidential mandate to make Mexico the newest state in the United States. I think they would go for that. I would be a hero to the Mexican people, bringing our wealth to them and I would be a hero to the American people, lowering the cost of dealing with immigration. It's a win, win, win situation.

Lastly, I just wanted to say that we had ants in the house again! We are obviously canceling our service contract with our current extirminator and going with a different company. Speaking of ants, maybe a third plan would be for me to train the ants in my yard to vote. Then they could vote for me! There are certainly enough of them in my yard to win me the election. And they probably would vote for me, because even though ridding the United States of ants would be my top priority as President, they know from experience that I wouldn't be able to...


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