Wednesday, October 01, 2008

My Alternative To The Bailout Plan

It's been a while since I wrote anything on this blog, but the current political landscape has forced me to revise my Presidential platform. There wasn't anything wrong with my old platform, but since I recently was made aware of the fact that money grows on trees I have decided a new platform is in order.

What do you mean money grows on Trees?

What? You haven't heard? According to Republicans and Democrats money grows on trees!

Case in point...

The legislative branch of government (who I still think should be replaced by monkeys) wants to give 700 BILLION (not million, BILLION) dollars to bailout banks in this country.

According to the IRS about 110 million people in the US filed their taxes last year. Sure, everyone in the US pays sales tax, but for the sake of argument let's divide the 700 billion dollars across the 110 million reported taxpayers. This results in each of us paying around 10,000 dollars in taxes on the bailout. Hmmm... I don't have 10,000 dollars to hand over to the government do you? I guess it will come from the magic money trees they have in Washington.

What, that's not enough proof that Republicans and Democrats think money grows on trees?

Well, did you know that both Presidential candidates want to spend more money on new projects if they become President? According to a study I recently read, John McCain wants to spend about $92 billion more dollars then we currently are spending and Barak Obama wants to spend about $292 billion more than we are currently spending. But both candidates say that they won't increase our taxes. The evidence speaks for itself:

Money Grows On Trees!

In light of this news, I have decided to change my platform.

From this point on, I am replacing my plan to give every voter a free ipod and in it's place I will create a new better plan called the "No Child Shall Have To Work" plan.

Under this plan, I will give every US citizen 1 million dollars... no wait a second... since money grows on trees let's make that 20 million dollars.

Yes, you heard me right. Vote for me and every man, women and child in the United States (even illegal immigrants) will get 20 million dollars a piece.

I will create the first country where everyone is a millionaire. No resident of the United States will ever have to work another day in their lives. I will completely eliminate poverty in this country once and for all. The founding fathers would be so proud. Additionally, I will set up posh country clubs with golf courses in every neighborhood in the US. And we will never have another housing crisis in this country, because everyone will have plenty of money to pay their loans. In fact, since money grows on trees I am going to throw in a free mansion complete with maid service and a butler for every man and woman and child in this country.

This will be the greatest country EVER. If this doesn't get me elected I don't know what will!

So, remember when you go to the polls this November vote "George Brian Manty" for President.

Since I don't have a running mate yet, for now you can just write in Mickey Mouse as my running mate. I figure Mickey can sit around doing nothing as well as any other Vice President...