Wednesday, August 31, 2005

One more note on the Hurricane

I wanted to let you know that my wife and I were at a shelter tonight in Houston that will be housing some of those who don't have homes and it was so sad to see families walking in who were affected by the storm.

I have decided that for the month of September I am donating all proceeds from the sales of my book to the relief effort. If you haven't bought my book and you want to donate money to the relief effort then you can do both by purchasing my book

I believe that helping others is much more important than making money, and I urge those of you who are able to help the people in need do so.

For those who want to help but don't need/want my book, as I said previously you can donate to the Salvation Army ( or to the Houston food bank ( who will be supplying food to those who are being moved to the Astrodome.


Hurrican Katrina Relief

For those who want to help, you can donate to the Salvation Army (

I generally don't donate to the Red Cross because of the high percentage of the donation that goes to administrative costs. However, if you prefer you can donate to the Red Cross.

Also, many nearby states have shelters open for people displaced from hurricane Katrina. You can donate directly to those shelters. Quite a few Churches in Houston are being used as shelters. You can also donate your time at the shelters.


Tuesday, August 30, 2005

More on Hurricane Katrina

During the hurricane I was thinking that they needed a better evacuation plan for those who could not afford to leave. Going to the superdome just didn't seem like such a good plan. I hope that if they ever do rebuild New Orleans, that they institute a new evacuation plan for the less fortunate to go out on trucks and/or busses and ship them to a nice hotel. I don't mind if the goverment pays for them to be put up somewhere nice.

In fact, they should be put up somewhere really nice like The Ritz Carlton, because they are going through so much. Cost wise it would probably be a drop in the bucket compared to the rebuilding costs of the city.

Stopping Hurricanes

Given the devastation along the Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama coastlines. We should really speed up our discovery of ways to fight hurricanes. I wish that people could have tested some of these processes on Hurricane Katrina. Check out this article on manipulating the weather to see what I am talking about.

Our government should do more to investigate these. It would save the tax payers a lot of money in the long run and more importantly save lives...


My prayers go out to all of those who are affected by Hurricane Katrina. May God be with you all.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Ugggh! Ants!

We have ants in the house again! Ugggh!

Hopefully they will go away soon, so I don't have to rethink my new containment policy.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Policy of Containment

Living in warm, humid climates all my life (Florida, and Houston, TX) it goes without saying that I have been bothered by bugs all my life. I have mentioned various plans that detail how we could deal with ants, but I was surprised to find out how useful ants can be.

So, I have decided to pursue a policy of containment.

I have come up with a great way to keep ants and ALL BUGS out of our houses, while keeping nature's ecosystem in tact. I call it "The 2008 Presidential Policy of Containment for Bugs".

We will need to make use of the new teleporting technology (hopefully ready by 2008) that I discussed in my previous "Beam Me Up" post.

Now for your viewing pleasure, here are 4 quick and easy steps for implementing "The 2008 Presidential Policy of Containment for Bugs":

1. We will designate portions of wilderness, nature, parks, natural reserves, etc. as "bug containment areas".

2. We will surround these areas with a special "self containment unit". The "self containment unit" will keep all the bugs from going past the unit, by teleporting them back into their containment area.

3. We will surround all homes with what we call "eco-friendly bug protection units". These "eco-friendly bug protection units" transport any bugs that come in contact with them to the nearest "bug containment area", with a few exceptions (read step 4).

4. A certain percentage (5-10 %) of fire ants and deadly bugs (scorpions, black widows, etc.) are teleported to known terrorist locations.

This new bug policy is great for a number of reasons:

1. It gets rid of bugs.
2. It is eco-friendly.
3. It keeps us from using poisons to kill bugs.
4. It is perfectly safe.
5. It fights terrorism by giving the terrorist something else to do (deal with ants)
6. It provides high tech jobs to the US.
7. It will help get me elected.

Now, I know what you are thinking...

"Why didn't I think of that?"

Well, the answer is really quite simple...

It's because you're not thinking about running for President. If you were thinking of running for President then you would be coming up with ideas and policies like this all day long...

I believe my new policy of containment is a better plan for dealing with bugs than our current methods. I believe that my "Policy of Containment" is a policy that all of the American people will rally behind, because it will make this country a better, safer, and far less icky place to live.

Important note for members of PEST (People for Ethical Spider Treatment) and all other bug lovers out there. No spiders or other bugs were harmed in any way in the writing of this post.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Caffeine for the Ants

I came across this tool for calculating how much caffeine it would take to kill you and decided this might come in handy in ridding my house of ants.

I was busy researching whether ants would drink any types of caffeinated beverages like coffee, when I came across this article. Apparently, ants serve a good purpose in nature. What a Bummer!

Just the other day a friend told me that ants are responsible for the declining snake population in Texas, now this!

Here I thought the reason ants existed was to give me an unbeatable platform to run on in the 2008 election.

Oh well, back to the drawing board. I wonder if cock roaches serve a compelling purpose in nature...

Thursday, August 18, 2005

The Judicial System and Marketing

I was just reading this post on Seth Godin's blog and it really got me thinking.

I think he makes a really good point about the Judicial system in the US. I have served on two jurys. At the first trial the jurors went with the facts and at the second trial we went with the stories. Most trials are full of facts and stories. Given the fact that marketers use stories to motivate people to buy stuff, it makes sense that you could do the same thing in a trial.

I am not sure if I would change the court system if I were President.

However, if I ever run for President I should tell some good stories. Bill Clinton told good stories. I think that's why he seemed invcible when he was running. If you tell good stories and connect with people they are going to feel more connected with you than the other guy. If I run for President I am going to stay away from the silly facts and focus on telling the country good stories.

Good stories, backed by my perfect platform.

There's no stopping me now (provided I ever decide to run)!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Something Amusing

I promised something mildly amusing and here it is:

It's a site I came across recently. I find it mildly amusing. Apparently, fedex doesn't find it even slightly amusing.

At first I didn't really think fedex had a good argument, but when I sent the site to my wife she said, "I think fedex has a point. I initially thought that the site would be affiliated with fedex."

Anyway, it is mildly amusing and has given me some good ideas for replacing the furniture in the White House (if I become President).

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Nothing Amusing Yet

I can't think of anything even mildly amusing to post today. I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow for my next (REAL) post.

Hopefully, I will find something amusing to say, otherwise it will be a long time before you hear from me (see previous post). Oh well...

Note: This isn't a REAL post, this is just me thinking out loud. Sometimes in real life I think so loud, other people can hear me (aka. talking to myself). This is kind of like that only in this case I am writing to myself.

So please don't read this post, this really isn't meant for anyone else to read. I am just thinking out loud.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Republican, Democrat, Other

Some people might want to know what my political party affiliation is. The short answer is "none".

You guessed it now for the long, drawn out, possibly boring, answer.

So, here's the deal. I grew up going from Democrat (early in the Jimmy Carter years), to Republican (Ronald Reagan years). When George Bush Sr. was in office I became a Ross Perot fan. I switched parties on my voter registration from Republican to whatever Ross Perot's party name was. I even voted for Ross Perot (so did a lot of other people I know. So many people I knew voted for Ross Perot that sometimes I wonder about voter fraud in that election, but that's another story altogether).

Over time, I have flip flopped between parties. Even showing interest in the Constitution Party and the Libetarian party. Eventually, I have decided that I have no party affiliation. I just want what's right for the country. Some of you may think I have a vendetta against the Republicans or the Democrats. But that's not really true. I could take about 30-40% of each their platforms and add about %20-40 of the Libertarians platform and I think I would be fairly satisified.

I also don't have anything against George Bush. I am sure he is a decent human being, who is trying to help the country. I am not just saying that because of my Father's heavy involvement in the Republican party. I really don't buy into the conspiracy theories and so forth about our government. I think that most elected officials have some well meaning ideas, and want to help the country in the ways they feel are necessasry.

I just think that money, politics and other factors blind them to the truth sometimes.

I know there was nothing funny in this post, so next time I will have to come up with something Laugh Out Loud funny. So if you don't see any posts on this blog for days, weeks, months, maybe years, it's because I am trying to come up with something really funny to post...

Ummm, on second thought scratch that last paragraph. Here's what it should say:

I know there was nothing funny in this post, so next time I will have to come up with something Laugh Out Loud mildly funny amusing.

Yes, that is much better. Now you should hear from me sooner. It should only take me a few months to come up with something mildly amusing...

Friday, August 12, 2005

Three branches of Government

Ok, the other day on the news I saw a story that said most US citizens could not pass a test on US Government. To me that is a little bit sad.

I don't know how hard the questions were, so I can't be too judgmental about it. However, the study also showed that 1 in 3 Americans thought that the three branches of government were "Republican, Democrat, and Independent".


The three branches of government are "Republican, Democrat, and Independent"?

I mean really! If I were President I would try to pass a law that you had to AT LEAST know what the three branches of government are in order to vote.

I don't want to harp on this too much, but I am all for giving some sort of quiz to determine if voters know what they are voting for. Maybe then not so many people would vote for Mickey Mouse.

I don't think the founding fathers envisioned the masses voting for people when they didn't even know what branch of the government they running for.

For those who don't know that the three branches of government are "Legislative, Executive and Judicial", then study this sentence until you memorize it. Next, go check out this Brain Pop video/game on Yahooligans to learn more about the three branches of government.


Friday, August 05, 2005

As President What Super Powers Would I Want

I came across a recent post on blogging baby regarding what super powers parents would want to have. You can read my response here.

And I thought to myself,

"What super powers would I want if I were President?"

Now that is a hard question to answer. I mean there's:

Super Strength,
Lazer Vision,
Spidey Senses,
Ability to breathe without oxygen (or hold breath indefinitely),
X-Ray Vision,
Super Hearing,
Shape Shifting,
Flame throwing,

This list seems like it could go on indefinitely.

Anyway, I was thinking about it and I think the Super Powers I would most want are:

1. Invisibility
Why? Because after I give a press conference I can just turn invisible. No follow-up questions would be sweeeeeet.

2. Time Travel
If I ever slipped up while under the media's microscope, I could just go back in time a few minutes and fix things.

3. Super Strength, Flying, X-Ray Vision, Laser eyes, etc. (without the Kryptonite vincibility)
I would like to have all of Superman's powers without the kryptonite issue. That way whenever there was a terrorist like Osama Bin Laden on the loose, I could fly over to where we think he is, use my x-ray vision to find him, and capture him without worrying about silly bullets or bombs bothering me.

Actually, Superman's powers would come in use in many situations. For instance, I am fairly certain I could use them to get rid of the ants at my house.

4. Mind Control
I know this is a free country and all, but man it would be cool to have the Super Power of mind control as President. With mind control I could make sure that Congress passed all the changes I wanted to make. How cool would that be!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Monkey Congress Members

Regarding my last post...

My wife just let me know she thought the idea of monkey congress members was hilarious. She pictured them jumping up and down on the furniture, climbing all over the place, throwing things at each other, etc.

Hey, that's really not much different then the pictures I have in my head of Congress the way it is now. Monkeys would fit right in.

This is definitely part of my plan to change the US. I will be President, with a yet to be determined Vice President at my side and Monkeys in Congress. There is no limit to the things we could do.