My life as a Diamond

My wife Jill wrote the other day about this new company called Life Gem that turns the ashes of your departed loved one into a diamond.

Now, we don't ever intend on being cremated, but what if I spontaneously combusted?

If I spontaneously combusted and Jill had me turned into a diamond, she could wear me around her finger forever! That would really turn on potential new husbands:

Potential new hubby:
"That is such a nice ring, where did you get it?"

Jill:
"It's my dead husband."

Potential new hubby:
"Errr... Ummm... Oh, that's my cell phone I gotta go..."
(said while running quickly away.)

Ok, so maybe that's not such a good idea.

I know...

My wife and kids could use me as a science experiment. They could make a laser with me. That would be cool!

Maybe they could use me in an invention and then go on the show American Inventor.

I can see it now:

Matthew (our oldest child):
"This invention cures cancer"

Judge 1:
"Wow that is really cool!"

Matthew:
"Yes it is. Here is how it works..."

Judge 2:
"Looks like we have a winner, I can't imagine anything more valueable."

Judge 3:
"That is terrific! What inspired you to come up with this invention."

Matthew:
"Well, one day my Dad spontaneously combusted and we turned his ashes into a diamond. Dad said that if we ever turned his ashses into a diamond we should use him in a science experiment and well...

Judge 4:
"Uhhhhh, you mean that diamond is your Dad?"

Matthew:
"Yep."

silence...

I am not sure that would work out too well either.

Even if I spontaneously combust, turning me into a diamond is just not in my future.

What would you do for High Speed Internet Access?

I thought this story was so funny, that I had to share it with you. Check out what one man did to get high speed internet access to his house.

I think I would have just relocated...

Update

Just a quick update for those who don't read my other blogs. I am still around, just been very busy and some of the kids are sick.

I hope to post something somewhat amusing to this blog when everyone is well.

Argghhh, American Idol vs. LOST

What's a guy to do. My two favorite tv shows American Idol and LOST are on head to head tonight!

Say it aint so.

Currently, we have no way to record both shows at my house, so we have a slight dilemna. Albeit, there are much worse things that could happen to me, and yet still I say...

Arghhhh!

If I were President, I would get congress to pass a law that would prevent television networks from running my favorite shows up against eachother. The law would also keep networks from running shows an extra 5 minutes past the hour (a pet peeve of mine).

So what I am going to do tonight?

Well, I have decided that since there is no way I can miss watching Taylor Hicks sing, I have to watch American Idol.

If it were the girls night, I would be watching LOST. It's not that I don't like watching any of the girls sing, and it's not that I don't like watching any of the other men sing. I do.

The thing is that Taylor Hicks is the ONLY contestant on American Idol that I would watch instead of LOST, because quite frankly LOST is my favorite show on tv.

What would you do, if you were me?