My life as a Diamond

My wife Jill wrote the other day about this new company called Life Gem that turns the ashes of your departed loved one into a diamond.

Now, we don't ever intend on being cremated, but what if I spontaneously combusted?

If I spontaneously combusted and Jill had me turned into a diamond, she could wear me around her finger forever! That would really turn on potential new husbands:

Potential new hubby:
"That is such a nice ring, where did you get it?"

Jill:
"It's my dead husband."

Potential new hubby:
"Errr... Ummm... Oh, that's my cell phone I gotta go..."
(said while running quickly away.)

Ok, so maybe that's not such a good idea.

I know...

My wife and kids could use me as a science experiment. They could make a laser with me. That would be cool!

Maybe they could use me in an invention and then go on the show American Inventor.

I can see it now:

Matthew (our oldest child):
"This invention cures cancer"

Judge 1:
"Wow that is really cool!"

Matthew:
"Yes it is. Here is how it works..."

Judge 2:
"Looks like we have a winner, I can't imagine anything more valueable."

Judge 3:
"That is terrific! What inspired you to come up with this invention."

Matthew:
"Well, one day my Dad spontaneously combusted and we turned his ashes into a diamond. Dad said that if we ever turned his ashses into a diamond we should use him in a science experiment and well...

Judge 4:
"Uhhhhh, you mean that diamond is your Dad?"

Matthew:
"Yep."

silence...

I am not sure that would work out too well either.

Even if I spontaneously combust, turning me into a diamond is just not in my future.