If I were President

Falling Back Again - Bummer

2011-11-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

If I were President the first thing I would do is sign an executive order that kept Daily Savings Time all year round. I really dislike "falling back" and "springing forward", but I would like the extra daylight hours all year round.

PS. It's been a while since I have written on this blog. I am considering starting a new blog to continue what I started here. Let me know if you want to hear me talk about the Tea Party, Occupy Wallstreet and all that is the mess we call politics in the US. For now, see ya later...

Political Correctness in 2010

2010-01-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

From what I can tell, I am fairly sure that saying the word "constitution" is no longer politically correct :)

Stop Global Warming Before...

2010-01-04T22:23:00.001-08:00

Someone needs to stop this global warming thing before Houston turns into an iceberg... brrr... it's freaking cold here!

I Discovered The Real Cause Of Global Warming!

2009-11-05T21:17:00.000-08:00

I was watching some politicians on TV the other day and finally figured out the real cause of Global Warming.

You want to know what it is?

I am pretty sure global warming is caused by all the hot air released by politicians over the course of the history of the earth.

My Alternative To The Bailout Plan

2008-10-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote anything on this blog, but the current political landscape has forced me to revise my Presidential platform. There wasn't anything wrong with my old platform, but since I recently was made aware of the fact that money grows on trees I have decided a new platform is in order.

What do you mean money grows on Trees?

What? You haven't heard? According to Republicans and Democrats money grows on trees!

Case in point...

The legislative branch of government (who I still think should be replaced by monkeys) wants to give 700 BILLION (not million, BILLION) dollars to bailout banks in this country.

According to the IRS about 110 million people in the US filed their taxes last year. Sure, everyone in the US pays sales tax, but for the sake of argument let's divide the 700 billion dollars across the 110 million reported taxpayers. This results in each of us paying around 10,000 dollars in taxes on the bailout. Hmmm... I don't have 10,000 dollars to hand over to the government do you? I guess it will come from the magic money trees they have in Washington.

What, that's not enough proof that Republicans and Democrats think money grows on trees?

Well, did you know that both Presidential candidates want to spend more money on new projects if they become President? According to a study I recently read, John McCain wants to spend about $92 billion more dollars then we currently are spending and Barak Obama wants to spend about $292 billion more than we are currently spending. But both candidates say that they won't increase our taxes. The evidence speaks for itself:

Money Grows On Trees!

In light of this news, I have decided to change my platform.

From this point on, I am replacing my plan to give every voter a free ipod and in it's place I will create a new better plan called the "No Child Shall Have To Work" plan.

Under this plan, I will give every US citizen 1 million dollars... no wait a second... since money grows on trees let's make that 20 million dollars.

Yes, you heard me right. Vote for me and every man, women and child in the United States (even illegal immigrants) will get 20 million dollars a piece.

I will create the first country where everyone is a millionaire. No resident of the United States will ever have to work another day in their lives. I will completely eliminate poverty in this country once and for all. The founding fathers would be so proud. Additionally, I will set up posh country clubs with golf courses in every neighborhood in the US. And we will never have another housing crisis in this country, because everyone will have plenty of money to pay their loans. In fact, since money grows on trees I am going to throw in a free mansion complete with maid service and a butler for every man and woman and child in this country.

This will be the greatest country EVER. If this doesn't get me elected I don't know what will!

So, remember when you go to the polls this November vote "George Brian Manty" for President.

Since I don't have a running mate yet, for now you can just write in Mickey Mouse as my running mate. I figure Mickey can sit around doing nothing as well as any other Vice President...

It's official - I am running for President in 2008

2008-07-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

I thought I wouldn't run for President in 2008, but I changed my mind. I am tired of this country being controlled by special interest groups that don't care about the welfare of this country!

So....

It's official I am running for President in 2008.

I will be running on the same platform I mentioned here before.

Watch the video below to see for yourself:

Yep, This is Why We Homeschool

2007-10-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

One of the many reasons we homeschool, is incidents like this.

If I were president the education system would change dramatically... no more creating sheep.

6 Steps to Happiness

2007-04-18T06:45:00.000-07:00

1. Go over to Google Maps at http://maps.google.com/.

2. Click on "Get Directions".

3. Type in "New York" for starting place.

4. Type in "London" for ending place.

5. Click "Get Directions".

6. You can either read the directions (which can be fun by itself) or if you just can't wait then scroll down to direction #23 and read it.

Pretty fun trip, eh?

Grassroots

2007-03-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just found this interesting site that encourages regular citizens, like you and me, to run for office. They have an interesting campaign platform reform that they are pushing.

Click here to check it out.

So maybe I should do this, eh?

Maybe I should ask them about their position on ants first...

Congress Doesn't Really Care About You

2007-01-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

How crazy is this...

I just read here that Congress has proposed a bill to help prevent people from contacting them through the many grassroots online campaigns that have started up over the past few years. They are tired of hearing from you. They don't care about what we really think.

That is just so wrong, it's not even funny!

Well, it might be funny if they were monkeys...

Top Ten Reasons to Elect me as President in 2008

2006-12-29T22:47:00.000-08:00

People are starting to position themselves to run in 2008. So I figure that if any of you were planning on starting a grass roots campaign to get me elected, now is the time to do so.

Therefore, I thought I would go ahead and list the top ten reasons you should elect me as your President in 2008.

So here goes:

10. I will make the day after the Super Bowl a natinonal holiday.

9. I would reduce poverty by closing down all the Walmarts around the country.

8. Every person around the world will get a 20 dollar gift certificate from the US. This will help improve the likeability of the US on an International level. (Thanks to David Letterman for this suggestion).

7. I will lead the US to victory over terrorism with my ant teleportation plan.

6. I will create a new government agency dedicated to the eradication of SPAM. The Anti-Spam Agency would start by instituting the National NO-SPAM week.

5. I will veto all silly/stupid laws that only benefit special interests and not the people.

4. I will institute Daylight Savings Time Year Round.

3. I will elminate ants from US soil!

2. *All US citizens will get a free ipod. Those of you voting more than once in the election will only recieve extra free ipods if your additional votes were cast for me.

1. I will Blog the Presidency!

So, there you go. If you need any more reasons just refer people to my unbeatable platform.

*If it will help get me elected we might even give out free ipods to people whose pets vote for me.

I Need to Learn How To Draw Cartoons

2006-12-21T07:12:00.000-08:00

Apparently, I need to learn how to draw cartoons in 2007. Because cartoonists will be taking over the world in 2007.

Maybe I can just convice one of them to let me run the US anyway...

No Child Left Behind - Football Version!

2006-11-17T12:35:00.000-08:00

My wife just emailed this to me. The author is unknown. It sums up how many teachers feel about the "No Child Left Behind" program. If you aren't a teacher and/or do not know much about athletics, especially football, then this might not make sense.

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ---The Football Version

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.

ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game.

It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind.

If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.

PS. If I were elected President, the "No Child Left Behind" program would get left behind...

Democrat and Rebublicans take two years off?

2006-11-17T11:07:00.000-08:00

My brother just sent me this article on Yahoo. How funny!

If only it were true...

Candidate Wants to use Textbooks to Protect Against Bullets???

2006-10-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

I just had to write about this story. A candidate for state superintendent of schools in Oklahoma wants schools to buy THICK used textbooks for students to put under the desks. If there is a potential shooting situation, they could pull out those thick textbooks and use them as sheilds to protect against the bullets.

I could see a whole industry being created for this:

Bob's Used Books - the best shields in town!

Keep your kids safe - buy the strongest, widest, used books in town!

John's second hand books - when you want to make sure your kids make it home!

Our used books are reinforced with kevlar for extra protection!

I guess books aren't just for learning anymore. Uggh!

The smart way to keep people passive and obedient

2006-09-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

My wife just sent me a very interesting quote:

"The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum." – Noam Chomsky, American linguist and U.S. media and foreign policy critic.

Isn't that American today? (Political correctness, etc...)

What do you think?

New York City is Crazy

2006-09-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

You may recall that I believe "Texas is better than New York", well I just saw further proof that this is true.

Apparently, New York City is considering banning trans fats. My wife Jill and her friend Laura have a blog that covers Natural Family News. So I am all for supporting and promoting better health. However...

What the heck???

Do the people in New York City's government not know that this is a FREE country?

I am so glad to be a Texan, because as long as we have our shotguns nobody will try to take away our french fries...

President of Three Countries at Once?

2006-09-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Hey, I just read this article about a shadow government being created between the US, Mexico and Canada. It kind of makes sense to me. We should definitely consider improving our relationships with our two border countries. However, I am not sure that the methods being used don't violate our constitution (not that we pay much attention to the constitution anymore).

Anyway, the official government website is SPP.GOV. It's fairly interesting.

I wonder if I could just head up the SPP instead of becoming president of the US? Then I would be in charge of three countries!

Imagine that, the United States, Canada, and Mexico all would become...

Ant Free Countries!

Phew!

2006-09-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

Last month I mentioned that some of Oprah's fans want her to run for President.

Well, I just read some good news...

Oprah is not running for President! Phew, I still have a chance in 2008.

Big Brother All-Stars Fun

2006-09-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have a tv blog and I just wanted to let you know that if you watch Big Brother All Stars you are going to want to go see my latest post by clicking here. My wife came up with the idea for the post and I filled in the blanks and wrote it.

Hope you enjoy it...

Syria to enforce arms embargo - My official response

2006-09-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

I just read that UN president Annan says that Syria is going to enforce the arms embargo for Hezbollah, so that arms won't cross the Syria-Lebanon border into Hezbollah hands.

Ummmm...

Doesn't Syria want to arm Hezbollah? Don't they hate Israel?

It's like something you would see in a comic strip. I can hardly believe they are actually proposing this as if it is a good idea. Wow!

If I were President, I would have to blog about this proposal, because it's so ridiculous. I think my post might go something like this:

This morning my chief of staff woke me up a little early to let me know about this new proposal from the UN and Syria. About half way through the proposal I fell out of my bed laughing hysterically.

I guess since I have a blog they must think I am a freaking idiot. I mean come on...

You want Syria to stop Hezbollah from re-arming. Might as well put Iran in charge of it.

In fact, after hearing the proposal I was so fed up with Syria I called up the Secretary of Defense to see if we could come up with a good execuse to bomb the heck out of Damascus. He said no.

Anyway, Annan if you are reading this why don't you... Oh nevermind, I am going to go get my coffee now. I will let my press secretary handle our response.

Oh, wait a second, I get it. Annan is this a UN April's fool joke? I bet that's what it is. You got me, you silly man.

Yep, if I were President I would have written about this on my blog, no doubt about it.

My Wife Jill's Counter Theory on Spontaneous Combustion

2006-08-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

Last night, I told you about my theory on spontaneous combustion. Well, my wife Jill has a separate theory that describes what causes spontaneous human combustion.

Her first step for producing spontaneous human combustion is the same as my first step:

1. Person creates static electricity in their body. This can be done in a number of ways, but for the sake of argument let's say that said person rubs their feet around on a carpet (probably the most well known method of creating static electricity).

However, with Jill's theory in the second step the person holds in their gas and builds up massive amounts of internal gas. The combination of the person's growing levels of internal gas and static electricity causes the person to spontaneously combust.

In other words, Jill's theory looks like this:

Static electricity + held gas = spontaneous combustion

The problem with our theories is that if you try to prevent spontaneous combustion using my theory, you are going to hold your gas in. However, if Jill is correct that will cause you to spontaneously combust.

On the other hand, if you try to prevent spontaneous combustion using Jill's theory you would pass gas. Then if my theory is correct, you would spontaneously combust.

Hopefully, we will never find out which one of us is correct. I would hate to spontaneously combust because I didn't agree with my wife.

I strongly suggest that you never, ever, test out our theories. In fact, I will leave you with this...

WARNING: DO NOT TEST THESE THEORIES OUT AT HOME! NEITHER JILL MANTY OR GEORGE MANTY CAN BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RESULTS.

My Theory on Spontaneous Combustion

2006-08-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

I have been a little stressed at work lately, in order to de-stress I thought I would reveal my long held theory on the cause of spontaneous combustion.

Spontaneous combustion is this strange phenomenon where a person spontaneously bursts into flames. Nobody knows how spontaneous combustion works. However, I have a theory and now it's time to reveal my theory to the world.

In my theory, there are two steps needed to cause spontaneous combustion:

Step 1. Person creates static electricity in their body. This can be done in a number of ways, but for the sake of argument let's say that said person rubs their feet around on a carpet (probably the most well known method of creating static electricity).

Now, the person has stored up a lot of static electricity but has not released it yet.

Step 2. Prior to releasing the static electricity person passes gas.

At this point person spontaneously combusts.

Pretty simple:

Static electricity + passed gas = spontaneous combustion

I know what you are thinking:

A person with such a brilliant theory should definitely be elected President (or something like that)...

Hezbollah Won

2006-08-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have been very busy lately, but today I a took a look at the cease fire agreement and the bottom line is that Israel signed yet another unenforceable agreement. The language is very weak and the bottom line is...

Hezbollah won and Israel lost!

Long term this probably means more bloodshed and loss of life when the next war takes place. If I were President, I would never have agreed to this cease fire. You don't have to be a lawyer to see that the agreement is a waste of paper.

It's time to send the ants to Tehran...

Hope this doesn't Happen

2006-08-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

It would be hard enough to run against a politician, but a star like Oprah...

Yikes! No way will I run for President if it's against Oprah.

See details here.

Truth in Media Part 2

2006-08-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, I just finished writing about the way the media twists the truth and then I see this headline from the AP:

Rockets hit Lebanon despite cease-fire

And I think to myself, "Oh my goodness why did Israel start bombing Lebanon again."

So I open up the report and lo and behold it's not Israel that is bombing Lebanon, but Hezbollah! Hezbollah fired 10 rockets into souther Lebanon, but Israel didn't respond because they didn't hit Israel.

How freaking decieving was that headline? It did get me to read the story though...

David Letterman's Solution To World Politics

2006-08-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here watching David Letterman, and he just revealed his plan to change world opinion about the United States. I think it's brilliant!

Dave said that we should send everyone a 20 dollar gift certificate to Target.

Pretty good plan, I wonder if it would work? I may have to add it to my platform...

Photo Fraud - Media Spin - Where's the Truth?

2006-08-14T08:52:00.000-07:00

This video is an interesting look into some of the journalistic fraud in the war in Lebanon. It just makes me wonder how much of this kind of thing happens on a daily basis when the media isn't reporting about wars?

It reminds me a little bit of how my wife was misquoted by the Washington Post in an interview she did. A while back Jill was interviewed by the Washington Post for an article on blogging (click here to see article). The article made her out to be a sports fanatic. While that did make the story slightly more interesting, Jill is in no way, shape or form a sports fanatic.

Can you really believe what you read?

If I were President, I would want to pass a law that required the media to spin everything in a positive direction for me. If I misspell a word, I don't want the media to turn me into that guy who couldn't spell tomato. Instead I prefer that the media mention how I won my elementary school spelling bee two years in a row and my spelling is truly phenomenal.

Some Lebanese - Just Say No to Hezbollah

2006-08-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

From the media accounts I have seen of the war in Lebanon, it seems like most of the Lebanese citizens support Hezbollah. This is clearly not the case.

Something I have not heard about on the news are the people in Lebanon that DON'T want to have anything to do with Hezbollah.

Just the other day, I read an email from someone on one of my homeschooling lists that sheds some light on the circumstances from the non-Hezbollah supporters in Lebanon. In the email, the person was talking about her sister-in-law who lives in Lebanon.

They are doing a lot of work to help others in their town. Their town is taking in many people displaced from the fighting, who are seeking refuge.

The really interesting thing about this town is that they have taken up arms. This town has armed themselves in order to drive off Hezbollah should Hezbollah guerrillas attempt to move into positions in their town to launch missiles at the Israelis.

Their town does not want to be used as a human shield.

They have no intention of being caught in the crossfire and have decided to stand up to Hezbollah should Hezbollah coming a knocking.

I wonder if the International media will ever talk about towns like this one, that have decided to "Just Say No" to Hezbollah?

Wake Up Call for World Leaders

2006-08-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

Earlier today the Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said:

"Although the main solution is for the elimination of the Zionist regime, at this stage an immediate cease-fire must be implemented."

Given the Iranian President's position and *Hezbollah's position, here is how the world leaders would like the negotiations between Hezbollah and Israel to look like:

Representative of Hezbollah: "We need to have a cease fire and you need to give us prisoners in exchange for your soldiers. "

Representative of Israel: "How about you give us back our soldiers, disarm Hezbollah and create a buffer zone in Southern Lebanon."

Representative of Hezbollah: "Uh, No."

Representative of Israel: "What if we give you back the prisoners in exchange you could give us back our soldiers, and create a buffer zone in Southern Lebanon."

Representative of Hezbollah: "Not acceptable."

Representative of Israel: "What if we give you back the prisoners in exchange you could give us back our soldiers, and stopping shooting at us."

Representative of Hezbollah: "No. We need to have a cease fire and you need to give us prisoners in exchange for your soldiers. Additionally, because of how bad you Israeli's are acting you need to give us more land, and you need to pay us back for the damage you have done to our arsenal of weapons. Then we might stop shooting missiles at you."

Representative of Israel: "Ok. But how about we just end the hostilities forever?"

Representative of Hezbollah: "Great idea. You will let us destroy you?"

Representative of Israel: "Yes, please remove us from the face of the earth, so that there can be a lasting peace in the middle east."

Representative of Hezbollah: "How wonderful. Our work is done here. Now we can head to America for our next mission."

However complex it may seem to the outside world, it really comes down to one simple choice for Israel:

Destroy Hezbollah or be Destroyed by Hezbollah. There are no other REAL options.

* Hezbollah's charter has an entire section in it titled "The Necessity for the Destruction of Israel"

Hezbollah is Brilliant - But Here's How to Defeat Them

2006-07-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

I saw this news story the other day where officials from Hezbollah are quoted as saying that they didn't expect such a strong reaction from Israel...

Well DUH?

I don't think they would have kidnapped the soldiers if they knew Israel would try to completely dismantle them.

Quite frankly Hezbollah's tactics are Brilliant! They are so tightly integrated into the country that anyone who attacks them looks bad.

However, Aaron Brazell over at Technosailor has a brilliant solution to defeat Hezbollah without harming innocents. Click here to check out how he would use Web 2.0 to defeat Hezbolah.

I would definitely pursue Aaron's plan if I were President.

You took the Words Right Out of Mouth - Middle East Peace?

2006-07-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to come up with a way to give my thoughts on the topic of the current situation in the Middle East. Well, I found an article that pretty much sums up my feelings on the Mideast Peace process:

http://www.boston.com/...

In other words, it's in no way, shape, or form Israel's fault there isn't peace in the region. I think Israel is done being held hostage by terrorists in the region.

PS. If I were President I would not be enjoying this. Imagine having to stand up to the world leaders at the UN and tell them their wrong!

Weird Strange Creepy Thing Just Happened

2006-07-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

I got home from work and wanted to check out in the front yard to see something, so I looked out our peephole and...

It was blocked. It turns out someone had put gum on the peephole. Now it was probably just a kid, but it gave me a real creepy feeling. Apparently, a little bit before I got home, my wife said someone rang the doorbell, but she was busy nursing so she didn't get it.

My thought is that if there is gum on your peephole don't answer it!
But that's just my thought...

What do you think?

An Ipod for Everyone!

2006-07-13T06:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I mentioned that my eight year anniversery was Monday. Well, I was shocked by the anniversery present Jill got me...

An IPOD!

I am SOOOOOO LOVING IT! I listened to a podcast on my way to work today, it was great. She bought me a 30GB ipod and a really cool converter that allows me to listen to my ipod through the speakers in my car by brodcasting the podcast using an FM radio signal.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you Jill for my new ipod I love it! If I were President I would give every citizen in the country an ipod, because IPODS are way cool!

Maybe I can get some backing from Apple for my campaign...

Happy Anniversery to Me - My New Campaign Slogan

2006-07-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

Monday marked my eight year wedding anniversery with my wife Jill.

WoooHooo!

It's been an awesome eight years!

You know, eight years of marriage is kind of like being in office for two terms as President. In fact many past Presidents have had similar results to mine in their first two terms of office.

During my first two terms (8 yrs) of marriage I have accomplished a lot:

I increased our spending on education (we have five wonderful kids all of whom we homeschool)

I have managed to both increase our debt and increase our expenses (something every good President does)

I have mastered the art of political spin (turning a pumpkin bran muffin into a cup cake is good spin)

I have decreased our taxes (we pay practically no taxes because of all the children we have)

I have made inpsirational speeches (ie. "Ask not what your Dad can do for you, but what you can do for your Dad")

Looking back on my first two terms of marriage makes me think that maybe I should run for President. My campaign slogan could be:

"Vote for George Manty - Two succesful terms of marriage... just imagine what he can do for this country!"

Do What We Say, Not What We Do

2006-06-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

I find it very hypocritical the way our government is dealing with Israel. For those of you who have been living in cave (I have been accused of this on occasion), an Israeli soldier and possibly a citizen have been captured by Palestinian terrorists who are demanding that Israel let Palestinian prisoners out of their cells.

Israel in response has gone into Gaza, destroyed some bridges and effectively shut down the power in the Gaza strip. Call it what you will, but Israel is basically at war right now.

So what does this have to do with the US government being hypocritical?

Well, despite the fact that our government repeatedly says, "We don’t negotiate with terrorists." Our government officials are telling Israel that they should try to negotiate with the terrorists.

If the US were to have a soldier taken in Iraq and the captors said let all of your Al Qaeda prisoners go, what would our government do?

Would they:

A. Live in Peace, let all of Al Qaeda's prisoners go and give them a nice parting gift.

B. Launch a MASSIVE offensive against them.

It's so funny to me that our government constantly tells Israel to do A, when if we were in Israel's shoes we would be doing B. Our new government motto should be:

Do what we say, not what we do!

Of course, if I were President our motto would be:

Do what we do!

And we would never do A...

Important Notes:

1. It would make sense for US government officials to publicly tell Israel they need to negotiate in order to look like Peace makers to the International community, while behind closed doors telling Israel "Don't negotiate with terrorists."
2. Why didn't I just write the first note in the body of my post?
3. Pray for Peace.

What the ???

2006-06-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

From cnn:

A British army regiment's ceremonial pet goat was demoted in disgrace after it marched out of line before a host of international dignitaries during a parade to mark Queen's Elizabeth II's birthday, a military spokesman said Saturday.

What kind of army demotes a goat? I feel for the people of Great Britain...

The goat was demoted from lance corporal to fusilier (equivalent of a Private in the US). So now that the goat has been demoted lower ranking soldiers are no longer expected to salute him.

Salute a goat???

Not only that, he was demoted for insubordination. Imagine that... a goat not being able to take orders. That is too funny!

Is the British military for real? When I first saw this I thought it was some sort of an April fools joke. But I checked my calendar and it's June.

I will leave you with one of my personal favorite quotes from the article. This quote stands by itself:

Billy also has an allowance of two cigarettes a day -- both of which he eats,

Best Executive Order I Can Recall

2006-06-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, President Bush gave an executive order that is the best I have seen in a long while. You can read the details here.

Basically, the executive order says that government agencies cannot seize private property except for public projects such as roads, hospitals, etc. No more seizing property to build hotels!

Wooohooo!

I have written about the craziesness of emminent domain issues recently and I am very happy about this executive order. No, it's not going to stop poverty or crime, but it will have an impact. It's about time a President stood up for our freedom and not big corporations. Woohoo!

*Now, if only President Bush could go after the insurance companies, drug companies, lobbiest, (insert big business or unethical organization of choice here) that are destroying the health and wealthfare of the citizens of this country.

* Note: That would be a tall order for any President, but I would certainly like to see one try.

Our Tax Dollars Hard at Play

2006-06-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

According to a recent investigation, quite a bit of the tax dollars (up to $1.4 billion) set aside to help aid victims of Hurrican Katrina were used for things like trips to the carribean, plastic surgery, season tickets for NFL football games, etc.

Let's see...

The New Orleans, Louisana and National government handled the disaster so well, that we the tax payers have been stuck paying for people's vacations?

Hmmmm...

Just another great example of our tax dollars hard at ~~work~~ play.

Federal Judge Orders Attorneys To Play Rock, Paper, Scissors

2006-06-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

I come across a lot of funny things every day, but this news on MSNBC was just so funny to me.

A federal judge ordered two opposing attorneys to settle their dispute with a game of rock, paper, scissors. The judge got sick and tired of their inability to agree on anything, including small details of the case.

So what does the winner get?

In this case, the winner of the rock, paper, scissors game gets to choose the location to take the sworn statement of a witness.

My goodness, didn't their mama's teach them the art of compromising?

Phew - dodged another bullet

2006-06-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

Guess the world didn't end yesterday after all...

Good thing, I was really looking forward to watching my kids swimming lessons tomorrow.

666 is Here

2006-06-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

666 is here and so far so good.

I will let you know tomorrow if the world has ended or not.

Stay tuned...

666 Will Be Here Tomorrow - Head for the Hills

2006-06-05T13:09:00.000-07:00

6/6/6 (June 6th, 2006) will be here tomorrow. Head for the Hills!

Some say it will be as bad as the previous 666 (6/6/1006) and some even say it will be worse than 1/1/2000. We all know how bad the start of the year 2000 was!

Remember how long it took to restore power?
Remember the chaos?
Remember the sky falling?
Remember how the World ended!

So be sure to stand fast and be prepared on Wednesday to tell the Fear Mongers out there,

"Would you please stop spreading fear? It's bad for your health and it's really getting quite old."

******* This has been a public service anouncement from the future US President. Now back to our regularly scheduled programing.

New Orleans is Sinking

2006-05-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

New Orleans is sinking at a rate of about 1 inch a year and that worries scientist. I don't live in New Orleans so it's hard for me to know how hard this is to hear, but I think it might be time for us to abandon New Orleans. Let it sink into the ocean and build a new New Orleans somewhere far away from the water.

Whenever I drive by New Orleans on our way to Florida, I always think to myself:

"Why would anyone want to live in a swamp?" and "Why would anyone build a city under sea level? What in the world were they thinking?"

In retrospect, the whole city just seems like a bad idea.

I think this latest report about the city sinking is a sign from God that maybe New Orleans should be abandoned. Sometimes man doesn't like to listen to God. Maybe it's not a message from God, but if MY house were sinking I would take it as a message from God that it was time to start looking for another house.

But that's just me...

WALMART = Poverty

2006-05-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

It's true, a recent study proves that Walmart causes poverty in this country.

If I were President, I would force all Walmarts to close until they raised their prices and stopped forcing manufactures to outsource all their work.

As President, I would reduce poverty by closing down all the Walmarts around the country. This along with the jobs created by the Ant Hill Security department would be a good start towards reducing poverty in this country.

As time goes by I am amazed at how solid my platform is becoming. Maybe I should run for President. It might not be that bad being President, for one thing I wouldn't have to work in a cubicle...

Elevator Conversation of DOOM

2006-05-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

This morning when I got to work, there were about 7 of us riding up the elevator. That's not to unusual. Two ladies started talking and the conversation went something like this:

Lady 1: "How's your daughter doing?"
Lady 2: "Not well, she has red dots all over her. Looks like the measles or mumps."
Lady 1: "Oh no, our daughters were playing together yesterday."
Lady 2: "I didn't know yesterday. Has your daughter ever had the measles before?"

They exit the elevator to get off on their floor. The doors close and the Lady next to me says:

"I wish I had taken a different elevator."

Prompting a guy on the elevator to say:

"What's the incubation period for measles and mumps?"

All, I have to say is that I wish I wasn't on that elevator either. Oh well...

I am running in 2008

2006-05-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

See this phtocopy of an article that was in yesterday's local newspaper:

So please remember to vote for me in 2008.

PS. You too can create your own fake newspaper articles, see here.

Serious note about Gas Crisis

2006-05-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

Update to this post:

My wife said:

I would be in favor of supporting ethanol if it weren't such an inferior alternative fuel source.

From:
http://www.cgfi.org

Worse, a new study by Washington State University researchers—just published in Bioscience—says that U.S. ethanol yields only about 10 percent more energy than it takes to make it. That means most of the effort and cash invested in the ethanol plants is wasted.

To get even that, we're having to subsidize the ethanol to the tune of 50 to 70 cents per gallon, or 60-80 percent more cost per mile of driving than a gallon of gasoline before the recent oil price spike.

Worst of all, the Washington State bioscientists say it takes about 2.4 acres of land growing corn to support a car driving for a year on E85—gasoline with 15 percent ethanol mixed in. If we ran even 10 percent of our cars on the ethanol mix, that would take about 48 million more acres of good cropland away from Nature—or 100 million acres of poor cropland. U.S. national forests total only 191 million acres.

Just say no to ethanol, and let's use those research dollars for something that is truly useful!

I have to agree with Jill. She is all for alternative fuel, it looks like ethanol is not the way to go though...

Original post:

We really should do our best to support alternative forms of energy, oil, and gas.

I just saw a really cool Google Bombing campaigning regarding this. I found it here. What you do is insert the following box:

removed box due to update...

onto your site or blog to support ethanol as a natural alternative to oil and gass. I am about to add it to this blog.

Later...

Gas Wars

2006-05-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

That title sounds a little... well, um... stinky.

But it's not that kind of gas I am talking about.

As everyone knows gas prices are outrageous. We need to lower demand for gas. There are already many things in place, like mass transit, etc. But it's not enough!

If I were President the following would be my fool proof way to lower gas prices:

1. Get rid of all schools. (I know this is a drastic move, but it's my plan.)

Everyone would be required to homeschool. I couldn't find good statistics on the number of school buses in the US, but there are over 105,000 K-12 schools in the United States. Just imagine how many school buses that is? Imagine how many parents have to drive out of their way to drop their kids off at school. Imagine how much gas it would save if all of those kids were homeschooled?

2. Give companies major benefits for allowing workers to telecommute.

If people are telecommuting they aren't wasting gas to get to work. I am fairly certain there are some incentives in place today, but the government could give even better incentives to have workers telecommute.

3. Work on advancing our teleportation technology.

I know it's a bit of stretch, but it would also help us fight terrorist.

If those three things didn't curtail the need for gas, then I would strongly consider undoing the industrial revolution. We could get rid of everything that required gas. Get back to an agricultural society. That would take care of our gas problems...

Is a country really Sovereign if...

2006-05-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

My thought for the day...

Can a country really be considered a Sovereign country if they can't exist without constant foreign aid?

It seems to me like the answer to that question is no. So how will the Palestinians ever have a sovereign nation, if they can't exist without foreign aid?

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Miss Spider the Communist

2006-05-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

My wife had this interesting post the other day about an episode of Miss Spider. Check it out, it's a good read!

Computer Viruses want your Money!

2006-04-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

Wow, this is an interesting evolution in computer viruses (details here). A new trojan virus holds your pc ransom until you wire transfer money to the creator of the virus.

Apparently this happened before. Not a good trend.

To counter this, I am going to have figure how to wire transfer ants to virus makers...

Spanish National Anthem -Huh?

2006-04-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize the official language of this country had changed. Some people have put togehter a spanish version of the National Anthem (details here).

IMF takes on new role

2006-04-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

You gotta love the comments the IMF made about the US healthcare system. They even talked about our school systems.

What???

I thought IMF stood for "International Monetary Fund". Aren't they supposed to be monitoring money?

If I were President I would tell the IMF...

On second thought, I am not going to go there... my kids read this blog.

Do they just want to be smacked?

2006-04-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe the headline today about Iran. You can read the full story here. To summarize, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that Israel will be annihilated by "one storm."

Ok, so how can a leader of ANY country say that in public and not expect Israel and it's allies to attack it? If I were President, I would be very busy right now deciding how to attack them.

Uggghh... Why???

And really, does anyone believe there is a real chance for peace in the middle East without war? Let's see, Iran wants to annihilate Israel. The Palestians voted in Hamas (who want to annihilate Israel).

Ummm... I think it's time to send in the ants...

Global Cooling???

2006-04-10T12:32:00.000-07:00

Rat's! Apparently I won't be able to use global warming as an execuse any more. The global temperatures have actually been decreasing over the last 5 years. See this article for the truth.

Next thing you know they are going to tell us that it is safe to eat chicken again...

This land is my land, this land is your land

2006-04-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

This land was made for ~~you and me~~ the government and rich land developers...

Reading articles like this make me seriously think about getting into politics. I don't really plan on running for President, but man does this kind of thing make rethink that. The government needs to stop taking away people's land.

If I were President I may not be able to stop the government from annexing land for ridiculous reasons, but I sure would try.

I AM SOOOOO SLEEPY

2006-04-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

So, we went to my niece's birthday party in Conroe last night and it was a lot of fun. It was at this place that was sort of like Chuck E Cheese's , except that the pizza was served buffet style and in addition to video games, they have bumper cars, go carts, bowling and putt-putt golf.

Now, while it was a lot of fun I am SOOOO Sleepy. The first person up in our family this morning was John Victor (who just turned one a week ago). I think the rest of us were thinking that noon might be a good time to wake up.

I am fairly sure that Daylight Savings is causing part of the problem, it always does. If you are a long time reader, then you already know my opinion on daylight savings time. If not read here, here, here, and here.

Now, it's time for some coffee...

Don't worry a CAR RAN OVER MY FOOT

2006-04-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

Go here and then scroll down about halfway to question 1534. Basically, this person's child had two reactions to a vaccine and he/she was concerned about getting more vaccinations for their child. The response was along the lines of "it couldn't be the vaccine".

It reminds me of the story I wrote about the "car running over my foot".

Just to refresh your memory here is a snippet from that post:

Patient: "Doctor my foot really hurts, because that car ran over it a couple of hours ago. Can you tell me what's wrong with it?"

Doctor: "According to the X-Rays you have three broken toes and some torn ligaments. But I don't believe it was the car's fault. I think you must have hurt it some other way."

Patient: "But doctor the CAR RAN OVER MY FOOT, and right after that my foot was throbbing in pain."

Doctor: "Yes, but statistically speaking cars don't cause foot injuries. I am pretty sure your foot hurts because someone stepped on it or maybe you stepped on an uneven surface after the car ran over your foot."

Patient: "It's got to be the car, nobody stepped on my foot! A CAR RAN OVER IT!"

Doctor: "There's just no way that a car running over your foot could have caused those broken toes. I have never seen that happen before. I am sure it must have been something else. You probably stepped on your own foot without realizing it."

Patient: "Arghhh!"

...

In other words, question 1534 could have read like this:

Patient: A car ran over my foot.

Doctor: Oh, it looks fine to me, but just in case you should see a specialist. That will be $75.

Patient: A car ran over my foot.

Specialist: It doesn't look like it to me, I think you are just fine. That will be $500 please.

Uggh!

My Secret Life

2006-04-01T07:12:00.000-08:00

Well, it's about time I let the cat of the bag.

If you have been reading this blog for any lenght of time, you might think that the person who writes this is blog is some sort of Alien or something. Well, I am not exaclty an Alien, but...

I am from Atlantis!

Yes, I was born in Atlantis.

Now, if I run for President I am not sure that I can become President, being from Atlantis and all. Maybe they can overlook that one little fact.

Oh, and Atlantis isn't all it is cracked up to be. I mean sure there's lots of water and the people are nice, but the technology is not so advanced as one might think.

So anyway, I am an Atlantean and I can prove it.

Just check my birth certificate. It says, George Brian Manty... born in Atlantis, Florida.

My life as a Diamond

2006-03-24T11:27:00.000-08:00

My wife Jill wrote the other day about this new company called Life Gem that turns the ashes of your departed loved one into a diamond.

Now, we don't ever intend on being cremated, but what if I spontaneously combusted?

If I spontaneously combusted and Jill had me turned into a diamond, she could wear me around her finger forever! That would really turn on potential new husbands:

Potential new hubby:
"That is such a nice ring, where did you get it?"

Jill:
"It's my dead husband."

Potential new hubby:
"Errr... Ummm... Oh, that's my cell phone I gotta go..."
(said while running quickly away.)

Ok, so maybe that's not such a good idea.

I know...

My wife and kids could use me as a science experiment. They could make a laser with me. That would be cool!

Maybe they could use me in an invention and then go on the show American Inventor.

I can see it now:

Matthew (our oldest child):
"This invention cures cancer"

Judge 1:
"Wow that is really cool!"

Matthew:
"Yes it is. Here is how it works..."

Judge 2:
"Looks like we have a winner, I can't imagine anything more valueable."

Judge 3:
"That is terrific! What inspired you to come up with this invention."

Matthew:
"Well, one day my Dad spontaneously combusted and we turned his ashes into a diamond. Dad said that if we ever turned his ashses into a diamond we should use him in a science experiment and well...

Judge 4:
"Uhhhhh, you mean that diamond is your Dad?"

Matthew:
"Yep."

silence...

I am not sure that would work out too well either.

Even if I spontaneously combust, turning me into a diamond is just not in my future.

What would you do for High Speed Internet Access?

2006-03-20T10:51:00.000-08:00

I thought this story was so funny, that I had to share it with you. Check out what one man did to get high speed internet access to his house.

I think I would have just relocated...

Update

2006-03-14T10:31:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update for those who don't read my other blogs. I am still around, just been very busy and some of the kids are sick.

I hope to post something somewhat amusing to this blog when everyone is well.

Argghhh, American Idol vs. LOST

2006-03-01T06:24:00.000-08:00

What's a guy to do. My two favorite tv shows American Idol and LOST are on head to head tonight!

Say it aint so.

Currently, we have no way to record both shows at my house, so we have a slight dilemna. Albeit, there are much worse things that could happen to me, and yet still I say...

Arghhhh!

If I were President, I would get congress to pass a law that would prevent television networks from running my favorite shows up against eachother. The law would also keep networks from running shows an extra 5 minutes past the hour (a pet peeve of mine).

So what I am going to do tonight?

Well, I have decided that since there is no way I can miss watching Taylor Hicks sing, I have to watch American Idol.

If it were the girls night, I would be watching LOST. It's not that I don't like watching any of the girls sing, and it's not that I don't like watching any of the other men sing. I do.

The thing is that Taylor Hicks is the ONLY contestant on American Idol that I would watch instead of LOST, because quite frankly LOST is my favorite show on tv.

What would you do, if you were me?

Quick comment on my previous post

2006-02-27T11:11:00.000-08:00

I had one quick comment on my last post.

It could have been worse...

We could have given over control of the security at our ports to Iran!

I would never, ever, ever, ever...

2006-02-23T08:14:00.000-08:00

If I were President I would never, ever, ever, turn over port security to an Arab nation. Even if they are our "allies".

In fact, turning them over to ANY government doesn't seem like such a good idea, but an Arab nation???

Like what kind of coolaid does one have to drink to think that is a good idea?

Found Two great blogs

2006-02-23T07:53:00.000-08:00

Occasionaly, I go search around the blogosphere for new blogs to read and to give me ideas. Today I came across this really funny blog called "Tired Tunia at the Library". I shared it with Jill and she asked if I looked at her husbands blog, "Eccentric Father". Well, I took a look at it and it is an excellent read as well.

There is one post in particular that I think every parent should read. Click here to read the post. It is so important for all of us Moms and Dads to make sure to take care of ourselves. It is very easy to try and be there for your kids and then ignore our own problems. I find myself doing it. With diabetes I need to make my health my top priority. It isn't always, but it should be.

Something I need to work on before running for President (should I ever decide to).

That was so funny!

2006-02-09T21:41:00.001-08:00

I just finished watching Steve Martin on Late night with David Letterman. And that was one of the funniest things I have seen.

It started with Dave talking about the Guiness Book of World records and how the quickest talk show interview ever was 18 seconds in 1978. So Dave says he is going to try to break it and the guest he is going to do it with is Steve Martin.

So he calls Steve out on stage and the fun begins. They went through the interview with blinding speed and they even showed a second long clip from Steve's new movie "The Pink Panther". The clip was on long enough for you to hear Steve say "uh".

It was so funny!

Steve Martin is one of my favorite comedians, which made it that much funnier.

BTW - They broke the record - 17 seconds.

SECRET OF BANANAS

2006-02-07T08:59:00.000-08:00

Last week, my wife came across this pretty interesting video called "The secrets of Bannanas". The kids liked it a lot.

Click here to watch the video and learn the secret of bannanas...

I am fairly certain the secret is caused by Global Warming...

What would you do to ensure you could watch the SuperBowl?

2006-02-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

Are you one of those people so dedicated to watching the SuperBowl that you would induce your baby early to keep from missing the SuperBowl?

I don't think it is a good idea to risk your baby and your own health to get an induction for convenience. I understand it happens all the time. And sometimes there are really good reasons to induce, but...

For the SuperBowl?

Now, I like the SuperBowl as much as the next guy. In fact, if I were President I would make sure that the petition to make the day after the Super Bowl a natinonal holiday was taken seriously.

If you are someone who would induce so you couldn't miss the SuperBowl what else would you do?

Would you quit your job? Miss your kids tennis tournament? Cancel important plans with your spouse? Miss your Mom's birthday party? Put off an important operation? Blow off work?

What would you be willing to do in order to keep from missing the SuperBowl?

Terrorist Chickens

2006-02-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes our government reminds me of children when they are young. Testing their boundaries, trying to find out how far they can go before you say something about it.

So now tagging livestock, like terrorist chickens is voluntary. In 2008, it will be mandantory and will no doubt drive many family owned farmers/ranchers out of business.

First chickens, what's next? Tagging all of us?

I am fairly certain global warming has something to do with this...

PS. If you live in Texas sign this petition to prevent the goverment in Texas from driving local farmers and ranchers out of business.

Houdini Baby

2006-01-27T08:21:00.000-08:00

Last night I discovered what I had already suspected...

We have a very smart baby.

Now, I kind of figured John Victor was intelligent. All his siblings exhibit a high level of intelligence, and on both sides of his family there is a tendency towards a high IQ.

Having said that, we found out something else about John last night. He may have a future carreer as a magician.

Here's the story...

Last night, my wife was out running errands and I was watching the kids. I was on the computer, while my kids were in the living room having a snack and watching tv. John Victor, who just a few days ago turned 10 months, was walking around in the kitchen near the computer. Then he walked into the living room with the kids.

When I finished up what I was doing I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. That's when it happened...

I noticed something odd. John was sitting on the floor playing with a diaper.

I thought to myself,

"Rats John somehow got a diaper out of the trash can. I wonder who left the door open to the changing room?"

So, I got up from the couch and went over to take the diaper away. To my surprise the diaper had poo poo in it. I thought to myself,

"Rats, I have to clean the carpet."

I called my oldest son (Matthew) over to pick up John so I could clean up the mess. As Matthew was picking up John I noticed something and I thought to myself,

"It looks like... no that can't be. But it does look like..."

So I say,

"Matthew, let me see something."

I look under John's clothes and sure enough he had no diaper on!

Then I noticed there was poo poo on his leg, on the back of his outfit, etc. So now a lot of thoughts are running through my head, but the first one that runs through my head is,

"How in the world did he get his diaper off!"

I mean REALLY, how in the world did he get that diaper off? He had his clothes on! How did he manage to take off his diaper and then get it out of his outfit? He must be some kind of Houdini.

John Victor found this whole event to be SOOOO funny. He kept laughing and laughing! He laughed while I was changing his clothes. He laughed while I was bathing him. He laughed after bathing him. He laughed when Jill came home and asked why his hair was wet and he wasn't wearing his clothes.

I think he knows way more than he lets on knowing. It's as if he was saying, "You think that was amazing, wait until next week Daddy..."

Vaccines Don't Work

2006-01-25T06:44:00.000-08:00

My wife's friend Laura just posted this interesting newspaper report regarding a chicken pox outbreak in Wisconsin. As she points out, the odd thing is that all but two of the children were previously given the chicken pox vaccine.

If I were President I would not let the drug companies determine how medicine is practiced.

I mentioned in a previous post how medical statistics come from flawed math. Well, let's take a look at this case in Wisconsin.

Health experts (those pre-k math experts I mentioned here), rate the vaccine from 85 to 97 percent effective. So at most 15% of the kids should have contracted chickenpox.

In the case of the Wisconsin kindergarteners 36 percent contracted chickenpox.

Ok, so where exactly does that 15% come from? A better question would be, "Which drug company paid for the study that came up with that statistic?"

At the end of the article the newspaper says that 9 out of 10 children who take the chickenpox vaccine are completely protected from chicken pox.

10% = 36%

Uggh. Apparently, the people at the newspaper can't do math either...

New Perspective for US Supreme Court?

2006-01-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

I have always had questions about the way eminent domain laws work. Finally, the people are fighting back! Read this article to see what I mean:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=1529693

If I were President, I would make a lot changes. I would certainly look into the alleged misuse of eminent domain. I think that using eminent domain laws to annex the Judge's house is perfectly appropriate.

What's that old saying...

If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander.

I for one wasn't happy with that ruling by the US Supreme Court. Going after a US Supreme Court Judge doesn't seem like a great idea to me, but I think if they do annex his house it will send a clear message to the US Supreme Court how the people feel about that decision and it will give Justice Souter a new perspective on the eminent domain laws as well.

I would probably vote in favor of annexing his house, would you?

Global Warming - What's my excuse?

2006-01-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading a news story about giant jellyfish in Japan. They said that global warming could be causing the influx of these giant jellyfish to Japan.

I hear the words "global warming" on a daily basis these days. Global warming seems to be the excuse for everything, "cold weather, hot weather, hurricanes, animal extinction, animal population growth, skin cancer, drought, famine, etc."

So, I have decided that in 2006 my excuse for everything is going to be "global warming". Yes, you heard that right. In 2006 I will blame everything on global warming.

For example:

Speeding - "Sorry officer, global warming caused my car to break the speed limit."
Late to work - "Sorry boss, global warming slowed me down today."
Tired - "Global warming is making me so tired."
Stub a toe - "Ouch, global warming!"
Not listening to spouse - "Sorry honey, I wasn't listening. Global warming you know..."

I think this should work out pretty well for me in 2006.

Now, I know this post wasn't my funniest post ever, but what can I do? Global warming is making me less and less funny by the day.

Wow, it sure is hot in here...

Hamster and Snake best buddies

2006-01-18T12:24:00.000-08:00

I thought this was so funny I had to share it with you. Click here to read how a snake and hamster in Tokyo have become best friends. That's just plain crazy...

Not over the hill, just Thirtysomething

2006-01-11T13:17:00.000-08:00

My birthday was last weekend and this is the last year I can say I am thirtysomething (39).

When I was younger I thought 39 was really old. I thought that when I became 39 I would feel much older than I do. Then again with a 9 month old baby and 4 other children running around the house, I don't really have time to think about my age.

Another thing that helps me feel younger is having a younger wife. My wife Jill, who also turned thirtysomething this past weekend (34), is five years and a day younger than me.

However, there are things that can make me feel older. Like when my kids say,

"Really, dad you didn't have the Internet when you were growing up?"
or
"You didn't have a remote control for the TV? How did you change the channels?"

The good news is that I don't remember how life was without the automobile...

Hook 'em Horns

2006-01-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

*Being from Texas, I am required by law to say that.

In fact, I have to say it again:

"Hook 'em Horns"

If you aren't aware, the Texas Longhorns won the national championship in college football last night and that's why ** I am required by Texas State law to make this post...

Back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting...

* Note: I am originally from Florida and went to school at FSU, but now that I live in Texas I root for the local sports teams.

** I don't think I am really required by law to make this post, but just to be safe...

Outsourcing Lobbyist

2006-01-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

A few months ago my wife posted over at her blog that we are outsourcing organic produce!

With all the outsourcing of US jobs to other countries, I think it's time for other countries to outsource their work to the US.

If I were President I would get the ball rolling by requiring our lobbyist to go to work in other countries...

I would send our gun control lobbyist to Switzerland. In Switzerland they don't really have gun control laws and have a very low homicide rate. They need our gun control lobbyist to teach them why their system doesn't work.

I would send our law lobbyist to Iraq. With all the violence in Iraq they are going to need plenty of lawyers to file lawsuits.

I would send our drug company lobbyist to Pluto. We don't need them anywhere near Earth.

Lastly, I would send the rest of our lobbyist to various other countries. I would make sure that most of the lobbyist ended up in the countries that are taking the most jobs away from the US. This way more red tape will be created for businesses operating in those countries, which in turn will increase the cost of labor and move jobs back to the US.

John Victor is Walking!

2006-01-04T13:41:00.000-08:00

Today, John Victor (9 months) started walking. According to Jill he took 5 steps to her today. When the kids started watching and getting excited he sat down. Woohoo.

Next thing I know he will be driving...

Problems at the ER

2006-01-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy week. I just wanted to tell you that if you live in the Northwest Houston area I don't recommend taking any injured kids to the Methodist Willowbrook Hospital on 249. My wife did not have a pleasant experience there.

The other day our 3 year old (Joseph), fell off the couch while trying to jump from the backrest to the couch cushion and his head landed on the corner of a wooden box shaped toy. He opened up a pretty big gash in his head and we had to take him to the emergency room. Jill took him and the doctor who treated Joseph put him in straight jacket restraint when putting in the stitches. The doctor also took a very LONG time to put the stitches in. Not a pleasant experience.

When Jill took him to a different doctor for the wound check, Jill reassured Joseph that all visits to the doctor won't be so bad. Joseph said that only one part of the visit was bad about the trip to the ER and Jill asked what was the one bad part?

Then Joseph said, "Well, there were two bad things." Jill asked what the two bad things were.

Then Joseph said, "Well, there were three bad things."

Jill asked what the three bad things were and Joseph said, "It was all bad."

Needless to say we will never take any of our kids to the Willowbrook ER again.

LSU Beats the Hurricanes

2005-12-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

I thought it was ironic that the LSU tigers beat the Hurricanes (University of Miami) in their bowl game the other day.

You can read more about LSU's turbulent year by clicking here.

It certainly makes for a funny sports headline, "LSU defeats the Hurricanes"...

Well, unless you are a hurricane fan.

Favorite Winter Olympics Sport

2005-12-23T07:34:00.000-08:00

Jill and I just created a new blog for the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy:

http://2006turinolympics.com/

It should be fun to write about the Winter Olympics. Let us know what your favorite Winter Olympic Event is by taking our poll.

Top Ten Things I learned in 2005

2005-12-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

With the end of the year approaching, I thought I would share my top ten list of things that I have learned in 2005.

In decending order of importance:

10. You can outsource work to a boat.
9. You can make money by changing your name (at least that is what I am hoping)
8. Avian Bird Flu is going to kill us all!
7. A large percentage of the US population should NOT be allowed to vote.
6. If I were a dog I would be a Saint Bernard.
5. You can make furniture out of Fed-Ex boxes.
4. We should replace Congressmen with Monkeys.
3. Texas is WAY better than New York.
2. Ants actually serve a useful purpose.

And the number 1 thing I learned in the Year 2005 is...

1. Never complain about how tired you are while your wife is in labor.

What did you learn this year?

Some People...

2005-12-16T06:53:00.000-08:00

Some people have way too much time on their hands. Click here to see what I mean.

Healthy eating in School

2005-12-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

I find this news almost funny.

How can the Illinois school system declare baked chips as healthy and whole milk as not? I thought milk did your body good...

One other quick note, Exteme Makeover Home Edition is in the area. I kind of doubt I will get out there to see it, because it is a bit of a drive from where I am. They are filming simultaneously in Texas and Virginia. Ty is here one day, in Virginia the next day. That's pretty crazy.

I have been fairly busy with other stuff lately, but don't worry I will be posting again soon.

Gas Prices are low???

2005-11-28T07:17:00.000-08:00

The other day I was thinking how "great" it is that the gas prices are so low. I can go down to the local gas station and get a gallon of unleaded gas for roughly 2 dollars!

The next thought thar ran through my head was:

"Hey, wait a minute.

That's not low!

I am happy about gas being 2 dollars a gallon, what in the world?????"

Doesn't it seem like just last week we could get gas for just over a dollar a gallon?

The oil industry is going to make Billions upon Billions of dollars in profit this year. Because of this a lot of people have come up with things that the oil companies could do with their money, like pay for new refineries, help the people who were misplaced from Katrina, research alternative power, etc.

All of these are good ideas, BUT...

I think the money would be better spent if they funded my future name change.

If Exxon Mobil gives me just 1/100th of their profits for the last quarter. I will change my name to:

George James Exxon Mobil Manty

In fact, I would even be willing to reduce my chances of getting elected and leave out the James. So my name would be:

George Exxon Mobil Manty

Boy does that have a nice ring to it (of course the 8.7 million dollars helps give it such a nice ring).

Who knows, if Exxon Mobil pays for my name change I might even start getting my gas from Exxon...

Geico the Texas Gecko

2005-11-23T06:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the kids found a gecko in our house and they were very excited! They really wanted to keep it for a pet. Jill and I decided that would be fine.

Jill wound up catching it while I was at work. So when I got home from work Jill went to the pet store and got a cage, etc. The etc. in the previous sentence included it's food...

live crickets!

We warned the kids that the gecko would eat live crickets, but they were fine with that.

The kids decided to name the gecko "geico". They love the funny Geico commercials with the gecko in them. Ever since they saw the gecko do the robot they have been big Geico fans. Those Geico commercials are an example of Awesome Television Marketing. Because of those commercials we have a gecko named Geico living in our house.

Anyway, it's actually kind of cool having a gecko in the house. Albeit, neither Jill or I would ever have imagined that we would have 5 pets!

When we got married we had zero pets. Now we have a dog named ruff, a fish named fishy, two gerbils named pablo penguin and chewey uniqua, and a gecko named geico. It's like we have our own personal zoo. If we get any more pets we are going to have to start charging for admission.

Texas State Court Rules Property Tax Funding Public Schools is Unconstitutional

2005-11-22T12:27:00.000-08:00

WOW, this is an amazing development. The Texas Supreme Court ruled today that Texas property taxes can not be used to fund Public Schools.
Click here to read about this news.

It doesn't really affect me, because I homeschool in Texas. It looks like all of Texas might be homeschooling if they don't work this out (which I assume they will).

Later...

Time for a Change

2005-11-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

I read an interesting story about a Texas town just outside of Fort Worth that changed it's name to Dish (click here for the story).

The residents of the Town will get free satellite service for ten years! That's pretty cool.

What would be really cool is if Houston could change it's name to Volkswagen and then all Houstonians could get free Lamborghinis.

Hmmm... Maybe I should ask Volkswagen about changing my name. If I change my name from George to Volkswagen, could I get free Lamborghinis for life? If I ran for election I could be the first US President named Volkswagen.

On second thought, I think sticking with George gives me a better chance at being President. Maybe I could change my middle name to Volkswagen.

No, that won't work either because if you recall I need to change my middle name to James.

I know!

Maybe Volkswagen would give me a free Lamburghini if I added Volkswagen as a second middle name. Let's see, my name would go from:

George Brian Manty

to

George James Volkswagen Manty

That's not bad. It even sounds a little Presidential. I could have a free Lamburghini and be President. How cool would that be?

Our TV has been cranky lately, so what I really need is a new TV. Maybe I will have to change my name to George James Sony Volkswagen Manty.

Come to think of it, I might as well go all out with this name change thing. How about:

George James Sony Volkswagen Sears Geico Maytag UPS Hershey's Nabisco Exxon Yahoo SBC Dish Time Warner Baskin Robbins Helzberg Merill Lynch Starbucks Lego Walt Disney Kroger Toni and Guy Levi Strauss Manty

Now that really has a nice to ring to it!

So here's the deal, if you run any of these companies please contact me about my future name change. Giving me free stuff for life could really pay off for your company. If you can't afford to name a Town or Football stadium after your company, how about a future President?

It's a win-win proposition.

French Riots Justified

2005-11-15T11:16:00.000-08:00

My wife Jill just sent me an article on the French Riots. While I would prefer that there be no riots, the article certainly makes a good case for the rioters. There always is another side to the story. You can read the article about the French Riots by clicking here.

One other note, we have been remodeling our kitchen the last several weeks and it looks pretty good. I might post some pictures when it is finished.

Lastly, the whole topic of the French government reminds me of something kind of funny. If you are partial to the French Government then just ignore the rest of this post.

Try this. Go to Google.com, type in "french military victories" then click on the first result. Alternatively, click here for the results, or just click here to see the website that comes up.

It's pretty funny...

Finally... my 100th Post

2005-11-11T12:38:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe it...

I have written 100 posts on this blog.

Wooohooo!

Here's to 100 more!

99th post

2005-11-11T12:34:00.000-08:00

If I run for President in 2008 I hope people will overlook what appears to be a lack of patience (see previous post) on my part.

I just realized

2005-11-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

This is my 98th post! I just realized that I have almost written 100 posts on this blog. That is pretty amazing to me.

It will be pretty cool when I get to my 100th post. When I first started this blog I had no idea I would keep it going this long.

Hmmmm.... I've got an idea.

I'll be back in just second...

Medical Statistics - Pre-K Math at Best

2005-11-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

The other day I posted my thoughts on the Avian Flu Scare.

So while the topic of the medical industry was still fresh in my head, I wanted to give you my thoughts on the statistics the medical industry uses to approve drugs, vaccines, etc.

Say I wanted to prove that it is safe for people to cross the road without looking. Let's see if I can prove this theory by using the standard statistical methods that the medical industry uses.

First, I get 100 people to volunteer for my study. I have them all come over to my house around 2:00am in the morning. The clinical trial begins...

We all walk down to the end of my block to what is normally a fairly busy divided two lane street.

I go down the sidewalk and tap the first person on the shoulder. His/her job is to run across the street without looking, then run back without looking. When he or she gets back I tap the next person on the shoulder and they do the same thing as the first person. I repeat this process until all 100 people have attempted to cross the street and come back without looking.

Since, it is 2:00am there is not much traffic on the street and only 1 person gets hit by a car.

Most drug companies/doctors/medical studies would take the above data and declare that running across the road without looking is perfectly safe, possibly even beneficial. In fact, even if up to fifteen people got hit by cars they would probably consider it safe to cross a road without looking (especially if most of the people in the study were only injured by the car).

Do you see anything wrong with that picture?

What if none of the people got hit? Does that mean that it is absolutely safe to cross the road without looking (ie. no side effects)?

Going back to the example above, let's say that car companies were providing doctors with nice cars, and gas money. Now, five people in the above experiment get hit and go to the doctor. Let's listen in on one of their conversations with the doctor:

Patient: "Doctor my foot really hurts, because that car ran over it a couple of hours ago. Can you tell me what's wrong with it?"

Doctor: "According to the X-Rays you have three broken toes and some torn ligaments. But I don't believe it was the car's fault. I think you must have hurt it some other way."

Patient: "But doctor the CAR RAN OVER MY FOOT, and right after that my foot was throbbing in pain."

Doctor: "Yes, but statistically speaking cars don't cause foot injuries. I am pretty sure your foot hurts because someone stepped on it or maybe you stepped on an uneven surface after the car ran over your foot."

Patient: "It's got to be the car, nobody stepped on my foot! A CAR RAN OVER IT!"

Doctor: "There's just no way that a car running over your foot could have caused those broken toes. I have never seen that happen before. I am sure it must have been something else. You probably stepped on your own foot without realizing it."

Patient: "Arghhh!"

...

That's pretty much what happens to 90% of the people I know whose children have had a reaction to a vaccine. In fact, someone I know has a friend whose 18 month old child died one week after getting a vaccine and the doctors would not say it was from the vaccine, they said it was SIDS.

SIDS! What in the world?

No way does an eighteen month old child die of SIDS. That's just crazy. It was the vaccine. I wonder how many children die from "SIDS" that have recieved a vaccine within 2 weeks of their death? That would be an interesting statistic to see.

The above is an example of yet another way medical statistics are altered. If doctors don't report reactions to vaccines and/or other medicines then statistically speaking there won't be any reactions.

Anyway, if I were President the medical industry would be in for some BIG changes...

France is burning

2005-11-08T22:22:00.000-08:00

The situation in France is pretty crazy. I don't quite understand why it took them 12 days to declare a national emergency.

I wonder what would have happened to FEMA if they had taken 12 days to respond to Hurricane Rita? Worse yet what would have happened if the Govenor of Lousiana had taken 12 days to declare parts of Louisiana a national disaster area and then FEMA took another 12 days to respond... Yikes, a lot of lives would have been lost and we wouldn't hear the end of it in the news.

Here are some of the latest news stories related to the situation in France:

What's wrong with Europe?
France invokes Emergency Law
French Riots undermine confidence in Euro

While I am not fond of French politics, I do hope they get control of the riots. I just read this article about how the extra security is not preventing the rioting. Quite frankly when I read this statement:

"Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin, tacitly acknowledging that France has failed to live up to its egalitarian ideals, reached out to the heavily immigrant suburbs where the rioting began. He said France must make a priority of working against the discrimination that feeds the frustration of youths made to feel that they do not belong in France."

The first thought to run through my head was,
"That's all nice and good, but... Oh my goodness, France is going to completely burn to the ground."

If I were in the French government I would have sent the military over there immediately and declared marshall law to get some control over things. It is ashamed that so many innocent lives in France are being hurt by these riots. I REALLY hope the French government gets control of things.

...

Avian Flu Vaccine Nonsense

2005-11-04T06:35:00.000-08:00

The other day I turned on the news and they were busy spouting all this fear about the Avian Flu. President Bush has proposed that we spend 7.2 billion dollars to pay for stocking up on the Avian Flu Vaccine. Avian flu seems like a really big deal, right?

Do you know how much money vaccine companies make?

Do you know how effective vaccines really are?

Do you know the horrible complications/side effects related to vaccine use?

If not you might want to take a look. A good starting point is an organization called PROVE.

Back to my story.

After seeing all these stories on the news I was thinking,

"Gee, maybe I should be scared of the avian flu. I mean the media convinced me to be paranoid about getting anthrax sent to me in the mail, about getting AIDS from mosquitoes, about West Nile Virus (at least until I researched it), etc. I think I should also get scared about the avian flu."

So the first thing I did was cry out in fear,

* "Oh no, we are all doomed, doomed I say. The avian flu is going to end the world! Woe to those who eat chicken..."

After getting a grip, I decided to do a little research.

I found out that so far 62 people have died in Asia from the Avian Flu. Not exactly the scary number I was expecting.

Then I decided to look up how many people a year die from the flu on average. In the United States alone about 20,000 deaths occur each year from the flu or its complications. Well, that's a lot more than 62.

Next, I decided to look at all the facts about Avian Flu and why the media is in such a frenzy about it.

So here are the facts about Avian flu:

Since the end of 2003 avian flu has killed 62 people in Asia and infected 122 people. Avian flu is very hard for people to catch. In fact, it is spread almost exclusively through human contact with birds.

So what is all the fuss over avian flu about?

Probably the best answer is that it gives the news media a big story to talk about. The news media is great at feeding off people's fears to keep them glued to the set.

Another reason it is all over the news is pure scientific speculation. Some scientist believe that avian flu might mutate and then become easy to spread from human to human. The fact of the matter is that avain flu doesn't currently pose a big threat. MAYBE one day it MIGHT be a huge threat, but not now. I do believe in preparing for these things, but REALLY we don't need to make such a big deal about it.

Another possible reason it is all over the news is MONEY. The drug companies make TONS of money from vaccines and guess who pays for a lot of the politicians campaigns?

I have already said that if I were running for President I would not take campaign donations. That way you won't see me pay off drug companies, lawyers, etc. with our tax money. I would save the country a lot of money if I were President (I have to remember to add this fact to my list of campaign promises).

I also wouldn't cause big stirs like this in the media. We don't need to be a nation scared of things that may at some future point in time be a problem. We need to be a nation that focuses on real issues, like poverty, feeding the hugry...

That's it for now, see ya...

* I didn't really do this, but I thought it lightened up the story.

Noah 2005

2005-11-03T08:12:00.000-08:00

Someone sent me this email today and I thought it was so funny I decided to post it here. The author is unknown and the story tells us what might happen if Noah was commanded by God to build an ark in 2005.

Here goes:

Noah in 2005

It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United States.

The Lord speaks to Noah and says: “In one year I´m going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until every living thing is destroyed.

“I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I´m commanding you to build an Ark.”

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for the Ark.

Fearful and trembling, Noah accepted the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

“Remember,” said the Lord, “You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.

The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. “Noah.” He shouted, “Where is the Ark?”

“Oh Lord, please forgive me!” cried Noah. “I did my best but there were big problems. Really big problems.

“First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the local codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and have them redraw the plans.

“Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and flotation devices.

“Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

“I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.

“However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So . . . no owls.

“That´s not all. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union.

“Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

“When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

“Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.

“They didn´t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

“Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

“Right now, I´m trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard the Ark!

“The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I´m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

“I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.´

“Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

“What can I do, Lord? I really don´t think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years!” Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

“Does this mean you´re not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”

“No,” said the Lord sadly. “The government already has.”

Hurricane Wilma

2005-11-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

I just got an email from my friend John in the West Palm Beach area. Here's what he had to say about Hurricane Wilma:
"Hurricane Wilma dismantled fences and trees at my new house. Power finally restored yesterday. Schools still cancelled..."

It is really amazing how much damage a hurricane can cause. I am kind of glad I don't live in South Florida anymore. Although I still do miss the beach.

Hopefully, there won't be any more hurricanes this season.

Fall Back - Yuck!

2005-10-31T06:11:00.000-08:00

As you may know, I really, really don't like falling back and springing forward. If you don't recall this just click here to check out my plan on making daylight savings time last all year round....

I know that in the past I said that the person who came up with Daylight Savings Time couldn't possibly have had kids. Apparently I was wrong! Benjamin Franklin first conceived of Daylight Savings Time and he had kids.

I guess I am not totally opposed to daylight savings time since one of my campaign promises would be to make it last all year long. However, I am opposed to falling back!

Anyway, if you or your kids are interested in the History of Daylight Savings Time, click here to read this interesting article on the History of Daylight Savings Time.

Later...